My feelings for my feelings

Oh my beloved!
Look at me, my soul.
Don’t just listen to what I say.

Sometimes I become speechless before you.. I seek the answers but attempts are futile and I feel ashamed for my behavior. I can not recall what I tried to remember for last whole day. I become dumbstruck before you like a true devotee has seen his God for the first time after a long asceticism. My heart fills with immense joy of love and respect but my face can not show anything but a silly and silent smile. My body does not move a little and my eyes can feel your beauty. My lips move slowly to make a smile as a reflection of your smile. My heart always enjoys meeting with my love and my mind tries to gather words to speak.

A lot has remained inside my heart like a hidden treasure of my feelings and a little part of it had flowed from my lips to enjoy an existence into this world. Those undisclosed feelings revolve inside my heart as if they feel betrayed by me. They tried to escape but my fear and shyness remained as their undefeated prison wall. I could feel their presence inside my heart. Sometimes they reached inside my head too. I didn’t know how they reached there, neither I knew how to make them silent. Even one day I felt their battle inside me. They tormented my mind and heart as if I was the one who had destroyed their will to embrace the beauty of sound. It lasted for four hours. They fought with their total strength. Although I never uttered a word for those hours, a few of them had found a way from my eyes as water of love. I didn’t know how to stop these obscure feelings or how to give them peace. Even once I thought of killing them. But that thought of killing them was killed by me. They are the only part of you that remain with my heart. Although whatever they do but I want them to live inside me. May be a day will come when they will get what they want.

I had even felt their pitiable state. One day when they exhausted from fighting; they wept somewhere inside a corner of my heart and cursed me for my rude and nasty behavior towards them. I felt sorry for their weeping soul. But what could I do? What should I do? Tell me oh my beloved what should I do for those feelings whose life had already been destroyed? Before you deny their existence in this world again, like you once did, tell me oh my love how can I give them serenity?

I never wanted their life full of such misery. Even I never thought that they would have to remain caged in my heart. I  wanted their freedom. I wanted to send them to you with my all love. I wanted to make you feel their presence. You would have recognized them and entangled them with your own feelings. Amalgamating with your feelings, they might have lost their existence into eternity. But I don’t know what will happen to them now. Will they ever reach their destiny? Whether their devastated life will continue or they will attain eternal happiness.

Say something oh my love! It may be possible that paths of our lives are different, like you said when you left me, but my feelings are still real. They are still alive. Please don’t leave them in this miserable state where I can not look at them. Deeper you will look into my eyes nearer you will feel them. Look inside my heart and read them with your lovable eyes. Give them bliss of existence with your tangible look at them. Feel their wretched state and free them from the cage of desire. Only you can do it, my love.

Say something through your eyes and give them eternal joyful existence…

– TG